The concept of ego is tossed around quite a bit these days and deserves a bit of exploration. Many current day philosophers and authors present ego as a bad element, being something that interferes with goodness.

These modern day thinkers therefore conclude that the ideal state is one defined by the absence of ego. Ego is often related to self-centeredness and selfishness, both of which also have negative connotations. These states of being are not one in the same and should not be confused.

In order to have a shared exploration, let’s look at how and why one’s ego develops. To gain a good understanding, it will be helpful to return to the day our birth, for that is the beginning of our development in this earthly existence. It will serve us well to reacquaint ourselves with the early years of our journey.

I have previously referenced what happens from day one, the moment we emerge from the womb. We come into this world as clean, little slates, so to speak. Our existence is one without choice about what we see, hear, smell, touch or taste. Without a sophisticated way to communicate, our lives are controlled by our caretakers. In most cases, our parents assume this role.

The extent of our capacity is to respond or react to that which we are exposed. And those reactions are greeted with approval, discouragement, or in some cases, are completely ignored.

It’s important to remember that as we grow in those first years of life, behavioral scientists have calculated that 80 percent of what we experience is negative. There are a lot of “nos,” “don’ts” and “don’ts” with consequences.

We repeatedly hear statements that discourage too much curiosity, exploration and ventures beyond easily monitored and safe surroundings as determined by our parents.

Think about having your thoughts, ideas and sense of fun met with constant road blocks. It continues to happen in adulthood, both among family and friends, as well as at work. New ideas and new paths are most often met with skepticism and comments about all the things that could go wrong.

A natural reaction to such nay saying would be defensiveness. If you believe in your idea or plan, it would seem automatic to make a case for its soundness. Enter in ego, the believer of Self.

Ego begins a transformation into a defensive mechanism to overcome all the negativity we are inundated with in our everyday existence. It begins to serve as a protector of Self. And considering the amount of negativity, it is easy to see how the ego can become overdeveloped.

In the repeated act of countering negativity, an environment of competition and score-keeping is grown. There is an overemphasis and necessity for right vs. wrong, and an either/or perspective. A spirit of one-upmanship manifests, creating a circular pattern, or ongoing domino effect of disapproval and discouragement sparking a defensive posture.

It’s a rather uninviting and miserable scenario. Thus our philosophers make their case for throwing out ego all together without discerning at what level ego is bad. This in turn instills guilt, contributes to the world of negativity, and in essence, becomes part of developing the ego to an extreme.

Perhaps we can easily acknowledge and agree that an overextended ego is not good. That, however, does not translate into the extinction of ego being the pathway to universal nirvana. Swinging the pendulum from one extreme to the next does not get us to an ideal state, but rather a new version of extension, which in this case is an under extension.

In all things, balance is the ideal state. Life is about balance. When everything about our existence is in a state of equilibrium, we are at peace, happy and productive. That includes our ego. It is the balancing of our individual well-being and existence with that of others. There is no need for proving rightness,

Behavior resulting from an attempt to rid oneself of ego often appears as martyrdom, self-sacrifice, a holier-than-thou savior or just the opposite, no self-esteem. At the root of all of these behaviors is little or no self-worth. One no longer values or loves Self.

Equalizing your ego makes you just as important, not more or less, as everyone else. Everyone is of equal value. There is appreciation for one and all, as the connectivity and viral impact between all is clearly seen.

This allows one to take in others’ differing, even negative, perspectives, extract what value they offer and then move on. It’s movement forward not in spite of, but despite others’ thoughts. It allows one to be true to oneself.

Let me end with some words of wisdom from others. They just might help you put your ego in perspective.

“The minute you begin to do what you really want to do, it’s really a different kind of life.” – Buckminster Fuller

“It is up to you to illuminate the world.” – Phillippe Venier

“We define ourselves by the best that is in us, not the worst that has been done to us. – Edward Lewis

Anita Ancel is President of Ancelary Group, a Vermont firm that helps executives and their teams develop habits and attitudes for ongoing success and happiness.

I’ve been on vacation, seeking a different level of balance and some veg time. I read a couple of mysteries, explored some of Canada’s Eastern Townships, and then lessened the activity to increase the quiet and still time.

Filling up days with places and events is often considered a great vacation. And great it is if not for beginning and ending with exhaustion. Its restorative score could be low, as most often vacations are expected to provide a break from schedules and their pressures as experienced in daily routines. A change in place, without pace, doesn’t always leave the residual effect anticipated with a vacation.

And while a change in pace, and not place, may serve up most of the benefits sought, vacations, we should note, are personal, and preferences as such will vary. The key is balance, something we all need and seem to believe is more achievable while on vacation.

Balance can be as elusive as the universal sought after happiness. And there’s a reason: they are intertwined with our state of mind. So while a change in pace or place seem appropriate for creating balance, neither provide a guarantee for a great vacation.

When I think of vacation I’m reminded of the carefree, imaginative and fun-filled days of childhood summers. Playing was the balance I needed then, and now. From creating our Indian village to spending hours throughout the day and evening at the local pool, to climbing a rock face of one of the bluffs overlooking the Mississippi, I was free to explore, create and experience. Our play was simply accepted, with few boundaries. And the appropriate level of silliness was always balanced with equal seriousness.

Self-expression flowed, and laughter came easy and often as we were loving life. With our laughter, we were releasing plenty of those healthy endorphins, which by the way are 10 times more powerful than the pain-relieving drug morphine. And no doubt we were increasing our little hearts’ rate, as in addition to the physical activity, our endless laughter gave it a boost. FYI, just a few minutes of laughter can double your heart rate, according to Dr. William Fry, Jr.

I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: As children we laughed on average 400 times a day; by age 35 we’ve reduced that to 15. So creating a more healthy balance truly does require a bit more play and laughter, in both the mental and physical sense.

For me, there’s nothing more fun than wandering and pondering. Wandering to see and experience new things, like dark chocolate enrobed blueberries we purchased at the Saint-Benoit-du-Lac Abbey. A burst of fresh berry flavor surprised us, because it was truly fresh and truly a burst.

As for pondering, time is given to those things that just don’t make their way into my brainscape during the normal course of a week. Topic matters not because vacation offers a chance to twirl anything and everything around and peer at them from different perspectives. My mental escapades are free to involve matters of the farfetched and otherwise inconceivable.

Play, mental and physical, has been recognized as a key ingredient of well being and happiness for centuries. Aristotle and Plato spoke of such beliefs. On through history, these beliefs have gained merit through the studies of the brain pertaining to the development and education of children, problem solving, creativity, relationships at home and work, as well as team performances.

According to one study, Schaeffer 1993, play is as important to human happiness and well-being as love and work. By nature we are born to play. It’s a source of energy and excitement, stimulating our bodies and brains. At the same time it provides for calmness, relaxation and improved sleep. Vacations that incorporate play are downright therapeutic.

It has been said that you can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. I suspect the same is true in exploration of our selves. I’ve not happened upon too many down sides to play, other than the occasional skinned knee.

So with a hop and a skip, unleash yourself. Get in the spirit, stay in the spirit, be the spirit needed to jump into a fun-filled vacation. Giggle and laugh as if you’ve never grown up. Let vacation be like skinny dipping, where without hesitation you leap in. No clothes, no second thoughts are necessary as you understand life is not a dress rehearsal. Allow yourself to recapture the carefree feelings and well-being of childhood.

Anita Ancel is President of Ancelary Group, a Vermont firm that helps executives and their teams develop attitudes and habits for ongoing success and happiness.

Seems we never have enough time. Those who have all they desire are few and far between. The rest tend to eliminate the fun, settle for less, or burn the candle at both ends. None are great options. However, there is another way.

First, I must say I truly believe in and love a good night’s sleep. There’s nothing like waking in the morning totally relaxed, with your muscles feeling like half melted marshmallows, free of all tension. Your mind meanders back, peeking a bit at the world and then retreating. Slowly and comfortably, you unite with the new day.

Nonetheless, the night offers us another way to overcome some of our greatest obstacles of the day. Don’t jump to conclusions, you still get to sleep as much as ever. You see at night when the conscious mind shuts off, the subconscious stays on duty. In fact, it never takes time off. It is our autopilot, doing its work at all hours, everyday.

Still skeptical? Let me share some history and a bit of firsthand experience. We’re all familiar with the sewing machine, but perhaps not how it came to be in 1845. Its inventor, Elias Howe got stuck on how to make the needle work. In hand sewing, the needle is pointed at one end and has an “eye” at the other to carry the thread. That did not work on the machine, and neither did moving the “eye” to the middle of the needle.

Then one night, after puzzling all day on this, the right design came to him in a dream. It was an odd dream, one that had natives poking him with pointy spears that had holes near the point. And so he awoke with the answer that still works today.

Ever heard of the German scientist Friedrich August Kekule von Stradonitz? Yes, he’s another dreamer who contributed Structural Theory and the Benzene molecule to the world of organic chemistry. Here’s what happened in his words:

“… I was sitting writing on my textbook, but the work did not progress; my thoughts were elsewhere. I turned my chair to the fire and dozed. Again the atoms were gamboling before my eyes. …long rows sometimes more closely fitted together all twining and twisting in snake-like motion. But look! What was that? One of the snakes had seized hold of its own tail…”

These stories may seem farfetched and so long ago. So travel closer in time to today, for there are people who understand and make use of their subconscious during slumber. I am one of them. I remember, when in high school, working on an algebra problem all weekend long to no avail. What can I say, I loved math. Then, as with our inventor and scientist, the answer just came to me in my sleep. No amazing dreams, just the answer.

Later, when working as a Features Editor, we did a story on just this topic. And we discovered it doesn’t require waiting for nighttime shut eye. A TV repairman just took a nap any time he was stumped, and voila, he awoke with the solution.

So how does it work? Research at the University of California, San Diego School of Medicine, spearheaded by a leading expert on the positive benefits of napping, gives us a clue. Sara Mednick, PhD, assistant professor of psychiatry at UC San Diego and the VA San Diego Healthcare System, reported that REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which is rich in dreams, stimulates associative networks, allowing the brain to make new and useful associations between unrelated items.

“Fluid interpretation is a hallmark of a creative mind, from idle word play to the abstraction of shapes that led to the solving of neurochemical transmission or structure of the benzene ring,” wrote the research team in their findings. They go on to support the experience of our scientific dreamer. “These findings on the role of REM sleep in creative problem solving underscore the Nobel Laureate Friedrich A. Kekule’s recommendation: ‘Let us learn to dream.’”

The key was to prime the brain before sleep. In doing so, many have a hard time shutting off the conscious mind, which, in addition to being incapable of the same cognitive level as the subconscious, runs interference. REM sleep is the key, allowing the subconscious to do its magical connections without distraction. In a way, it’s a form of multi-tasking, a seemingly effortless one.

Most of us will still need to make the most of our days. And that, quite frankly, will take some conscious time management. But, as our friend of a couple of blogs ago, Thomas Edison, would say, “Never go to sleep without a request to your subconscious.”

Anita Ancel is President of Ancelary Group, a Vermont firm that helps executives and their teams develop attitudes and habits for ongoing success.

Our patriotic fervor is most widely celebrated on Independence Day, as evidenced by the parades, speeches, picnics, music and fireworks. These illuminating events are celebrated as a nation, as the land of the free safeguard’s each and every person’s independence, as they themselves so define it.

The original text, tucked in the memories of most, reads:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident,
That all men are created equal,
That they are endowed by the Creator of certain undeniable rights,
That among them are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

Since the initial battle against the British monarchy, we have, with love of country, fought the visible foes of individual freedom. Many, however, fail to conquer the silent enemy.

Freedom speaks to the values and aspirations that are unique to each of us. At the heart of this undeniable right is the liberation of the spirit and soul of self. That’s an internal battle that can only be won by oneself.

We hold dear the freedom to choose, and yet we so often forfeit it, going along with external pressures, popular trends and thoughtless autopilot. I’ve known those who went through with a wedding for fear of what others would think if they canceled it; those who took a job they didn’t want so as not to disappoint someone who helped them get an interview; those who pursued careers to win approval from parents; and those who went along with unethical or illegal actions in order to stay employed.

There are many, many more examples. You can easily come up with some of your own. We could be judgmental, but if we’re honest we’ve all been there at one time or another. And so when someone steps forth and challenges a block to their individual rights, we observe with interest. And in the case of victory, we are collectively uplifted and inspired.

The challenges are ongoing, as is the case with the women of Swaziland who just this year one the right to have land, bonds and other property registered in their names. Interracial marriages were not legally sanctioned until 1967, and in 1994 a woman had to appeal for the right to hang an anti-war sign in her bedroom window. One just need check a list of ACLU victories to get an idea of the broad range of rights that at one time didn’t exist. And most came to be because one person, one individual felt hindered in their ability to live and be as they chose.

There is nothing like the energy and elation that comes from a personal win, especially one that escapes the trappings of ideas and opinions indoctrinated by one’s family, culture, society or workplace. Moving beyond persisting patterns of perception, a sense of obligation, a need for others’ approval, we find every moment is filled with an opportunity for personal choice and well-being.

Our forefathers intended liberty to go beyond the physical shackles, to those of the heart, mind and soul. I believe they understood that would lead to a harmony with self, and in turn would extend into the world. With harmony come greater levels of joy, health and prosperity.

In any field, those who are most memorable pursued life in their own way, often moving against some trend or popular belief. Or as Robert Frost expressed, they “took the road less traveled.”

Free to be how ever you choose isn’t necessarily about being different, rather it is simply about being authentically you. Take heart and yourself seriously, even if others don’t. Don’t worry about convincing, proving or showing others what is right for you. Just smile and be you. It’s your undeniable right.

And while these rights may not extend to rats, there’s a cute little guy of movie fame that couldn’t help but be himself. Remy, the lead in Ratatouille, leaves the French countryside to travel to Paris in hopes of becoming a chef. And despite his family’s doubts and the rat-hating humans, he becomes a culinary wonder.

Of course it’s just a story, not real. The real stuff happens when you choose that it should. And there are many that have chosen so, and their stories are real. You can start with some of our forefathers, and work yourself forward in time, until you, too, are included.

Anita Ancel is President of Ancelary Group, a Vermont firm that helps executives and their teams develop attitudes and habits for ongoing success.

A few weeks ago I likened a business environment heavy with policy to the culture of a prison. My point was that managing for the worst case employee makes everyone an offender, disengaging them and costing the bottom line.

Let me be the first to say, “Shame on me,” for I was acting as if all prisons are awful places. I stand corrected. There are lessons to be learned from what is tagged as the most humane prison in the world. Located in Norway, Halden Fengsel is featured in this week’s Time magazine.

Before you dismiss me as a nut case, read just a bit further. Let’s treat this as a business case study, relating it to motivating and engaging employees. We’ll judge success on bottom line results as they relate to the vision, mission and core values.

For fairness sake, we need to admit upfront that motivating murderers, rapists and drug dealers to align with the prison’s goals is a bit more of a challenge than getting qualified employees to do likewise for a business. While prisoners are more of a captive audience, their attitudes are generally not conducive to collaboration. And we all know the difference a bad attitude can make.

A prison’s short term goal is to separate criminals from the rest of society. The longer term mission is to rehab criminals, helping them to become contributing citizens instead of repeat offenders. The vision, therefore, is to create a safer world, reducing crime and its overall cost to society.

Halden succeeds on all fronts, especially when compared to the United States. After two years, Time reports, Norway’s recidivism rate is 20 percent, compared to 50 to 60 percent in our country. And there are fewer criminals: 69 per 100,000 people in Norway, to 759 in the U.S.

The spread in these prison success rates can be likened to those established between businesses with the most and least engaged employees. To state the obvious, it’s significant. And in both situations success can be linked directly to the valuing and treatment of individuals.

The Towers Watson 2010 Global Workforce Study, involving 20,000 employees in 22 markets, concludes just that. For businesses to experience optimum results, according to the study, they will need to “create a more personalized work experience and foster self reliance by enabling employees to build their skills, plan for their financial future and live healthy lives…”

In this workforce study as well as the previous one, the relationship between leadership and employees is tagged as being critical. Trust, respect and appreciation for employees are among the gauges that have been correlated with business growth.

Back at the Norway prison, we learn that Halden’s greatest asset may be the relationship between the managing staff and inmates. Instead of carrying guns, guards share meals and engage in sports with those serving sentences.

Referring to them as pupils, the goal is to give inmates “a meaningful life inside these walls.” Through education and work, the intent is to “build them up (and) give them confidence.”

The culture is one of family, and the environment one that could easily be referred to as “home, sweet, home” With long windows to let sunlight in, flat screen TVs, mini fridges and shared kitchens and living rooms, inmates are given comforts unlike most of their real homes.

And not unlike business climate studies, Halden surveys inmates to find out how the prison experience can be improved. It’s a partnership, with organizational and personal goals being respected and realized.

For those who think a prison’s business is that of punishment, I remind you that our own penal system is costly proof that doesn’t work. And for those who think businesses can’t afford the attention or expense to provide much beyond a paycheck for employees, I ask you to compare your results to those companies with engaged employees. You’ll think differently.

            Balancing business with having a fulfilling life, for most, coincides with the ever present goal for happiness. And while some may claim to be content, that is not the same as happy.

Success in business or career minus holistic fulfillment is what I call life failure.  I mention this because while I was trying a bit of balance myself, I happened upon some tips for making the life journey more joyful, and successful.

I took a break to read for awhile Saturday.  My husband was playing his guitar and singing one of my favorite songs, Sounds of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel. I paused to listen – People talking without speaking; People hearing without listening – and in so doing realized that it fit perfectly within the context of what I was reading.

            On the surface, no connections were evident.  I was perusing the 10^th anniversary edition of Oprah’s “O” magazine and also spent some time with a pamphlet entitled Teaching Children Compassionately by Marshall B. Rosenberg.  Then magically the synapses of my subconscious began connecting and the common themes emerged.           

Oprah’s magazine is filled with insights, inspirations and wisdom from people who had an impact for her in the last decade. Rosenberg’s work is about non-judgmental communication, and how it makes way for awe-inspiring learning and living.

            Their shared themes, eloquently stated by Rosenberg and powerfully demonstrated by Oprah, are: learning is best fueled by a reverence for life, all life; and continually be conscious of the beauty within yourself and others.

            This may seem a bit far afield and soft for some, but who can argue with Oprah’s success. So let’s explore these themes as they pertain to Oprah and her business empire. I’ll revisit Rosenberg’s work at a later time.

            The essence of these themes involves organic connection… with life, with self and with others. It is what Oprah banks on every month when almost 2 million women buy her magazine, 37 percent of whom also have observed the men in their lives leafing through it.  Isn’t that what we all want…   business and personal relationships that grow on what is true and real? 

            Oprah’s organic connections go beyond good marketing. They are personal, genuine and deep. She puts herself out there on the cover, big as life, month after month.  Always a glamour shot, she radiates all that is the good life and success. Inside she sheds the glitz and opens her heart and mind as if a best friend.

            The issue about her ongoing weight loss struggles attracted the most response from readers and the media.  She was so transparent, it was impossible to not relate to her. (Hopefully all have figured out that weight loss is often about an imbalance in life or other issues, and not just about diet and exercise.)  Oprah ventures to where we all live, ever exploring the path to what she calls “the best life.”

            She stands front and center as proof that success is not the be-all of life, but only a piece of the journey. Every month “O” magazine speaks to a reverence for life, ongoing learning and an appreciation of the beauty in all us.

In celebration of  “O’s” anniversary and life itself,  here’s a few tidbits shared by a couple of the magazine’s popular columnists.

Martha Beck shares that sometimes it useful to unlearn some lessons, such as:  Working hard leads to success; Success is the opposite of failure; Problems are bad; and, We should think rationally about our decisions.

          Wisdom from Dr. Oz included: Change is possible, but only if you believe it; We regret the actions we don’t take more than the ones we do; and It’s not about living longer, it’s about living better.

            There’s plenty of explanation and more tidbits to be found in the magazine.  If you are so inclined, check it out.  Either way, join the celebration by nurturing an organic relationship, at work or home.  And enjoy the difference.