While in New York this weekend, I was reminded of how frequently we are faced with decisions that speak to our authenticity. It was more than the patterns of styles and behaviors that emerged while people-watching. It was what I saw in formal exhibits and on stage that spotlighted our human struggles and triumphs of being true to ourselves.

  Authenticity is that desired state that we connect with success, leadership and happiness.  And while it is so desired, there are ongoing pressures to be otherwise. Fitting in, being accepted, avoiding ridicule, controversy and conflict keep many teetering on the edge, rocking between a unique self and the collective blend. Some just succumb, believing it is easier to mix with the majority.

            Leave the streets of NYC, step into a theater or art museum, and find a celebration of the authentic. For originality and individual victories draw us in, and connect at a gut level.

            The fancy footwork of Billy Elliott, the young boy growing up in a struggling mining town, won him the opportunity to pursue ballet, but not without enduring some soul-searching pirouettes of his family and community. It’s an all too common theme in life.

            At Lincoln Center, South Pacific’s Emile de Becque made decisions according to his priorities, leaving him unpopular at times.  His love, Nellie, resisted her true feelings for him, listening to what others thought and said, for she was already tagged “nutty” for being herself.  This play, full of many such struggles, shows them to be more of a daily occurrence than we might want to acknowledge.

            We find differences and creativity recognized and appreciated in exhibits at the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA). While his work is revered now, Claude Monet made choices that were not so easy at the time.  He snubbed artistic traditions to make way for playing with personal expressions. Creations throughout MoMA reveal similar sentiments, with artists eliminating the concept of convention to toy with just about everything.

            When it came to interpreting space, within and surrounding structures, Frank Lloyd Wright was another artist who didn’t believe in sacrificing personal style. He wove form, function and light into revolutionary architecture, as is the case with the Guggenheim Museum. In observance of the museum’s 50^th anniversary, the world has been Contemplating the Void, which Wright so boldly designed into the center of this “catalytic” building.

            Standing in the spiraling open space, one can begin to understand Wright’s dedication to his own sense of being and imagination.  There was no conforming, no imitation.  And yet, with just one step outdoors, existence becomes a monotone blur defined by peer pressure. Even in our pursuit of being different, too often we are the same.

            Unless, like young Billy Elliott, you feel sparks inside, like electricity, and totally free, you are not being true to you. 

Potential can be a bit elusive.  We talk about it as if it’s easy to measure, and at other times it sounds as if it’s infinite.  “Living up to our potential” is a lifelong theme heard at home, school and the office.

But what is it?  How do you measure it?  Has anyone ever reached their full potential? All are good questions; let’s take a stab at some answers.

Behavioral scientists throughout time have agreed that, in general, we use a fraction of our potential.   They vary on the specifics, with that fractional use ranging between 5 and 25 percent.

No one seems to claim that anyone has ever demonstrated using anything close to full potential.  Einstein is purported to have said that he tapped about 10 to 12 percent of his potential.  Psychologist William James estimated that 10 percent was about what most humans use, and anthropologist Margaret Mead believed most use only 6 percent.

Does it matter if we use 6 percent or 10 percent?  What’s a few percentage points of potential really mean, anyway?  Perhaps it’s all in how it’s measured.

We are led to believe that we all have potential, though not to an equal degree.  This belief is usually based on findings about intellect and talents.

There are tests to measure IQ, but it has been repeatedly shown that IQ is not equivalent to potential.  Neuroscientists can measure the percentage of the brain used, and at the same time cite many examples of how the brain reconfigures itself, growing synapses and the possibility for more potential.

When it comes to talents, it has historically been believed that, like intellect, they are a part of the equation that determines one’s potential. Not everyone agrees.  In his book, Outliars, Malcolm Gladwell attributes much to effort and lucky opportunities.  Let’s assume we can’t do a whole lot about lucky breaks and focus on effort.

Gladwell quotes neurologist Daniel Levitin, who concludes achievement is equal to talent plus preparation. And, Levitin says, preparation plays the biggest role.

He repeatedly found, no matter what the talent, 10,000 hours of preparation was required to achieve a level of mastery or be a world class expert in anything. This was true for athletes, composers and musicians, as well as intellectual pursuits like chess playing.

To put it into the context of our discussion, the key to achievement or living up to more of our potential is directly linked to the level of our efforts, according to Levitin.

That means you can cross intellect and talents off your list of excuses. Realizing more of your potential, however it’s measured, is a matter of choosing and doing so.  

My husband and I are remodeling an 1890 Victorian that sits perched upon the shore of Lake Memphremagog. While our friends tend to see it as a project and work, we have found it to be a source of fun and an outlet for creative energy.

            We’ve just moved beyond the gutting stage on the third floor, respectful gutting mind you. This gorgeous grand lady of a house has been remuddled more than once. So we will accentuate any gems from the past that we happen upon. For instance we’ve uncovered beautiful, herringboned fir floors, and will restore them.

              As we looked at the bathroom, we tried to envision a way to make it more than a room that met the basic utilitarian needs. It’s a fairly long bathroom with tub, sink and toilet all lined up on one side. The other half is just a wide walkway, with a large window overlooking the lake at the end.

We had already decided to put in large, deep tub for soaking. After all this is Vermont with its long winters, lots of snow and nippy temperatures. We are able to make it fit by taking down a wall separating a storage area out under the eves. With the slanted ceiling, we’ll add a skylight so one can gaze at the stars while sipping wine and releasing the tensions of the day.

As our contractor was removing walls and old fixtures, he mistakenly took down a wall that had separated the tub from sink and toilet. And in so doing, he literally opened up our minds to some new and wonderful possibilities.

Just simply by having that one wall removed we saw a totally different scenario. No longer would everything be lined up horizontally along one wall. We could now see the possibilities for playing with perpendicular placements.

It made me think about the walls we allow in our life, our businesses… blocking our conceptual views and closing our minds to other possibilities?

We absorb so much limiting thinking from the day of our birth, on through school and right into the work place.  It becomes all encompassing of our creative spirits and our active minds, planting endless doubts because of the life-long repetition. Remember hearing any of these:

            Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t talk unless first spoken to. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Better safe than sorry. Curiosity killed the cat. You got to have money to make money.

Whether you realize it or not, these are walls within most of our minds.  They are there to greet any new ideas, different paths or innovative exploration. They won’t be as easy or swift to remove as a literal wall, but with conscious effort you can make way to some perpendicular possibilities for yourself and your business.

   Communication is truly an art.  And like a work of art, it can require some interpretation to gain full appreciation of what is being presented and received.

            It is often said to seek first to understand, and then to be understood. That statement is recommending we ensure our understanding of what the other person is saying before we become determined to have them understand us. Unfortunately, an assumption is being made and a step skipped.  The result in many cases is anything but a mutual grasp of meaning.

            The assumption is that we understand ourselves at a very basic level. Recognizing and understanding our emotions, our patterns and what drives our reactions is essential to effective communication.  First, and foremost, we must understand our Self.

            And while most of us think we know ourselves, my experience has shown many don’t. Granted we know ourselves at the conscious level. That’s not all that helpful when most of our behavior, 90 percent, is driven by our subconscious.

            With 80 percent of communication being non-verbal, we may not even realize what signals our subconscious is sending out.  You may realize you are tense, but not know how that’s emerging in your posture, facial expressions and gestures.

            There are a variety of profiles that can help you gain a better understanding of how you interact, and how that is received.  Then you can move onto understanding how our differences interfere, because more often than not, we operate as if everyone sees and thinks the same way we do.  That, too, is a big mistake.